The peak of training

I am approaching my second weekend in a row where I will be running 50 miles. I figured out today that if I do this I will have run 126 miles within 8 days. Four of those days will be spent running 100 miles. I feel a bit groggy. The crazy thing is that today I ran 9 miles total (first a 3 miler then a 6er) all at an 8:30 pace (very fast for me). I feel like people are sick of hearing about all of the mileage but I still can't really get over the fact that I'm here. 38 weeks of training down, 3 weeks to go. I was thinking this morning about the raw experience of running. And how I want to look to people for guidance but that most people can't even conceive of running this much so how could they possibly give me guidance? Then I thought this must be what champions go through. I've always wanted to be a champion at something. I was a great wrestler where I came from for example, but I was never a champion. I feel like its something that you do alone. Like, the champion takes that step into victory and stands alone and no one is giving him guidance because he doesn't need any... I don't know. I then thought about the "rawness" of it again in terms of having a spiritual experience. Like mostly when I run, there is no one else with me. No politics, no deadlines to meet, no bureaucratic BS, no one judging me, no religion, no one being disappointed, no one disappointing me... Its me and my emotions pretty much always. And me and my pain a lot of the time. Maybe its me and God. I think that's it. I think running to me is like praying. I think this because I don't pray much anymore. And the reason I don't is because whenever I prayed growing up I always thought, "God knows what I'm thinking so why do I have to tell Him. He's already in there, no?" It kind of didn't make any sense. Plus half the time I felt like whatever I said was contrived. And then the other issue I have with prayer is that you're supposed to be all humble to God when you pray but in most prayers you end up telling God what to do. Like the "Our Father" for example..."Give us this day our daily bread." I kind of abandoned organized religion because its saturated with contradictions like this. To me faith is action. And to me running is all about action... realizing my limitations, learning humility, persevering through pain, feeling all emotions, grieving my losses, being in the moment, remembering how much I love the people I love (and hate the people I hate), and probably most importantly, hoping for the best. And then going through all of this in support of the Congolese. Silently, I hope for them. That's as close to praying as I think I can get. This is very funny because I still don't know how much I even like running. uh boy... Anyway, I will close the sermon for today... going to bed.